I'm A Bad Lesbian

I've been out as a lesbian for about five years now and I still don't understand 'gay culture'. I've tried. I've tried my little dyke heart out. But I still find myself bewildered and distraught.

I've never been much for gay pride. I don't go to Gay Pride Parades. The same way I don't go to Blue Eyed Pride Parades, or Born In April Pride Parades or Tall Pride Parades or any other Insignificant Detail About Me Pride Parades. My lesbianism just doesn't have enough impact on my life to have any cultural influence on me. All it means is I find chicks hot. This isn't anything remarkable to me. This isn't anything entirely special, it just gives me something to ramble on about in here. I don't live my life a certain way because I'm a lesbian. I don't dress or act differently just because I'm a lesbian. Lesbianism is one small facet of the things that make up me.

But it's automatically assumed that because I am a lesbian, I am a part of 'gay culture'. As far as I can tell, this means I need to do lots of drugs and have regular orgies. Well, I take a lot of prescription medication and I have indeed spent a good deal of time in the company of seven other people not wearing shoes. But I don't think that quite counts.

I remember I was chatting with some girl once, and it came up that I was a lesbian. She got all wide eyed and exclaimed 'Oh! You're gay!'. Much in the same way teenage girls exclaim 'Oh! You have a puppy!'. It was mildly disturbing. And then she shocked me by telling me 'I bet you have lots of wild sex and do all kinds of cool drugs!'.

I was rather floored. It took me a few moments to gather myself together and form a response. I told her that I drank blhang tea for my seizures and I did just last week have a rather nice threesome with my vibrator and a bootleg copy of Naughty Nurses 3.

I think I disappointed her.

I just don't understand putting so much of oneself into a sexuality. I don't particularly want to be known as just 'the lesbian'. I don't like being judged or measured based on one aspect of myself. And I can't understand anyone else wanting it, either. Call me 'that writer lesbian' or 'that lesbian who makes all those costumes'. Define me by what I do, not what I am or who's fun bits I like.

Other lesbians always try to get me more involved. Dinners, parades, special events... if we want so badly to be treated just like everyone else, why don't we stop separating ourselves from everyone else? Gay bars, sure! Gay nigthclubs? Definitely. Gay book clubs? Alright, I can kind of see it. Gay picnics? Gay bakeries? Gay grocery stores? Gay art shows? gay neighborhoods? Now we're being ridiculous.

And I know the arguments. "We don't want to deal with prejudice!" "We want safe places!". Alright, I get that. I have my safe places, and I need them. But we can't shut ourselves off from the world. We can't keep up this self-segregation and expect society to become used to us and stop thinking of us as different. Because we make ourselves different. This goes beyond having a safe place or a place to go to meet like minded people. This is going into self made leper colonies. Are we lepers? No. So why do we act like them?

I know my views aren't popular. I know that they're why I'm no longer allowed to hang out with certain 'cool gay people'. But I don't much care. I don't see them as gay people, I see them as jerks who can't deal with a differing opinion. And I don't want to keep that kind of company anyway.

I've given up on trying to understand gay culture. Otaku culture is bad enough, and I made the choice to throw my lot in there.

I'll just keep on being a bad lesbian. It works for me.

And the Naughty Nurses don't seem to mind.